My Mistake

Barefoot, walk down the dirt path, gently run your fingers through the sea of yellow coneflowers and let the sunshine kiss the tip of your nose.

Your plans of building a future with a stubborn man have gone awry, and even though his heartless manners and calloused words contaminated your world with bitterness and hatred, you must rise above it all.

You must be strong.

Destroy the fire-breathing dragon that your anger spawned inside of your chest. Battle the demons that crawled out of your misery and once again, bury them in the darkness of your mind.

Your heart kept knocking on the door that was never meant to be opened. And, even though you cried and pleaded, the man behind the iron door chose a different path for both of you.

A wave of bitterness swallowed you whole when your words failed to reach the icebox inside of his chest, and you let the tears burn your cheeks as they stream down your face.

Love cannot be controlled, nor can it be suppressed and once it latches on to you like a leech, you are powerless. Your cool, analytical mind is no longer the compass – it loses its way in the infinite labyrinth of false fantasies and becomes dependent on the foolish heart.

And your heart, like a naive animal, falls into a trap.

Soon, an ocean of scarlet consumes your massacred heart and it will drown if you don’t muster the courage to pull through the fog of misery.

The pain will seep out of your pores eventually and your heart will mend, but do not be afraid to walk away.

For if you stay, the pain will remain forever but if you find the courage to sail out of the treacherous reach, you will find happiness.

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My Mistake

48 Hours

Three cold, dark nights seeped through my fingers like sand, and unraveled a prickly silence between us.

It lay across my lips like a girth and hid your somber eyes from mine.

Cold as an iceberg, distant as a foreign continent and stubborn as a goat.

Suddenly, you erected walls around your heart without a single word.

I cannot scale these walls nor can I penetrate them anymore.

The battle I waged for your heart is lost, and now there is nothing but an arctic distance between us.

What happened between then and now? What caused this strange behavior?

Tell me, please…

Now, I don’t know how to act around you. You’re neither friend nor foe.

I simply keep my eyes to the ground every time I see you and hope that the pain you spawned inside of my heart will soon disappear.

Such a shame, such pity that my gilded words of love fell on a deaf ear and a stupid man.

Surrounded by so many people that love me, yet I feel so alone without you.

You’re not even mine and I want you.

It’s funny – no it’s sad – actually, it’s quite pathetic to yearn what you cannot have.

What must I do now? Leave? Stay? Fight? Cry?

No. I will sail out of your blasé reach – float down the river of life and never breathe your name again.

You have been discarded into the pile of cowards that I once knew.

There, you will remain for the rest of your life, buried and forgotten.

There, you will fade away.

48 Hours

Bullies, Be Gone

Once upon a time, in a green kingdom by the endless sea, lived a child that learned to escape bullying by imagining a beautiful world inside of her young and innocent mind. She drew inspiration from tattered books, Disney movies and the cotton-candy clouds that used to glide across the blue sky outside of her window.

Whenever she closed her eyes, her mind would travel to places that rivaled those of the middle-earth kingdoms; places of enchanted beauty and ethereal grace.

There, she discovered inner peace; a sliver of herself that no bully could ever take away, and there she gained strength to battle endless jeers, malicious torment and pain.

This child got bullied.

A pack of young girls – angelic on the outside but rotten on the inside – found pleasure in tormenting her and sought out sadistic ways of bringing tears to her eyes. Traveling in a pack of five, they’d stalk her after school, throw dirt in her face, call her nasty names and even accuse her of theft.

Once, the leader of the pack hit her on the back of her head because she refused to share her ice cream.

The child fell in love for the first time in second grade. His name was Vanya; he had blonde, cherub-like curls, cornflower-blue eyes and full, pouty lips.

She presented him with a handmade card as a token of her admiration for him, but he ripped it in half and spit in her face. Then, he called her ugly and ran away.

Years passed by and the child became a teenage girl.

With physical changes came hormonal outbursts and bouts of insecurities. The teenage girl gained weight and with extra pounds came insults and self-hate. Every sliver of her body was disgusting in her eyes, especially when compared to the slim and tanned models in the glossy pages of the prestigious fashion magazines.

Fitting room sessions would often end in tears, complaints and angry shouting. The reflection in the mirror was an undesirable, grotesque monster that the teenage girl couldn’t stomach.

She cried herself to sleep every night; she wanted to be thin, pretty and popular.

But, with every attempt to change her appearance, she lost a sliver of her true self. She became obsessed with opinions of those who were never her friends, she sought out ways to impress boys whose hearts drowned in vanity and conceit, and while she tried to fit in with the popular crowd in school, she lost her own identity.

And worse, she became a bully herself.

Her heart became infested with hatred, venom and pride. She spread malicious rumors, wreaked havoc and spawned heartache. The outcome of the cruel game she enjoyed to play trickled into an ocean of tears, agony and pain.

Those years of selfishness, conceit and arrogance had barred the entrance to the enchanted world she had imagined as a child to escape the torment and pain. She never thought she’d find her way back there again until one day.

More years drifted by and the teenage girl became a young woman.

Karma had taught her important lessons: honesty, respect and confidence. After years of wandering aimlessly through a fog of confusion, her heart no longer ached to be accepted by society. Instead, she yearned to travel down the road that no one else had dared to take.

The young woman embarked on a journey to regain her inner peace, but once again she faced harsh criticism. Bitter tongues deemed her originality as blasphemy and instead of showing support, spread malicious rumors and wished her pain.

This time however, the young woman finally found her way back to the enchanted kingdom she had imagined as a child. There, awaiting her safe return was the inner peace that fueled her strength.

The young woman sailed through the hatred, bitterness and criticism with grace. For she learned that she was invincible because she believed in herself and no one but her had the power to tear down her dreams.

The moral of the story is simple, my friends. Remain true to yourself despite the constant jeers, insults and criticism that might get thrown in your face. Remember, bullies thrive on weakness, uncertainty and fear, but have the strength to stand up to those pathetic jerks and fight for your beliefs.

But, remember to speak words of kindness and your heart will always be at peace.

Bullies, Be Gone

Dear Cookie

Silence unraveled between us like an old, itchy blanket,
And the distance between California and Maryland grew wider than the Pacific Ocean.
I still remember the night I last saw you – the look on your face I’ll never forget.
Your eyes were distant and filled with eternal sorrow,
And when you spoke, your voice trembled with inexplicable pain.

The memories our hearts exchanged have faded,
And I buried the remnants in the darkest corner of my mind.
Sometimes those memories crawl out of the shadows
And haunt me in the middle of the night.

You left, but fragments of you are scattered all across L.A.
This city reeks of you – sometimes it’s even difficult to bear.
There is no place within this city that doesn’t scream of you to me.

You fled my side, left in the night, to fight the demons in your mind.
I do not blame you for departing,
I’m only puzzled by your absence in my life.

Why have you severed all ties with me?

Dear Cookie